Cranberry Sauce

2016-11-15 10:26 PM It takes a lot for me to feel happy, fine, alright. Today it took an admittance of suicidal intention, a lot of drama with mom, a long walk from Hiranandani to Splendor, 2 Prestiqs, One escitalopram, a strong coffee, several cigarettes and mindful meditation for me to feel fine again. And realise that I'm acting like an idiot, uncontrolled, wild, unhuman, and honestlyin an unacceptable way. And also to realise there are many things that I can and want to do, and that doing those things will make life not only better, but perhaps even enjoyable. I must try to make the most of these times when I feel well, and make committments and roadmaps, as well as guidelines for when I'm not feeling well. Yes I'm seriously depressed, and suicidal. There is no hiding away from this reality. Yes, in general I am disillusioned by society and desire something extraordinary, superhuman. But a part of this desire also stems from my personal issues - insecurity, fear of

NOW is the time I finally start living the life I have always wanted to live; my dream life. NOW is the time I finally become the person I have always wanted to be; my ideal self. NOW is the time I fully commit to living life to the best of my capacity. Time I start doing all the things I have ever wanted to do. NOW is the time I live in the present, not yesterday or tomorrow. Every single day, every hour and minute. NOW is the time I devote myself wholeheartedly to making the most of right now. Time I live every moment to it's fullest; squeeze every drop. NOW is the time I give my 100% effort in everything I do, nothing less. Time I stop quitting midway. NOW is the time I stop compromising, settling for less than what I really want. Time I stop holding myself back (for self preservation? for later?). NOW is the time I wake up from my blissful slumber and face reality. Time I accept myself for who I am, than living in denial; be completely true to myself. NOW i

(Image credit: OkCupid blog) This model explains preferences for dating, relationships, sexual activity and even friendships. It's a macro level analysis - individual differences/preferences would always exist. After all, that's what saves the world from being completely deterministic, and people being robotic and completely predictable! Terminology: Agent (n). A person in the system Mate (n). A prospective partner Score (v). To gain access to, as desired (i.e. for dating/sex/marriage/offspring) Statement: There exists a definite, indisputable dating economy, or System. Everybody has a market value (or level). This is based primarily on looks (fitness, attractive features, visibly health and radiance) but also on wealth, intelligence, wisdom, degree of self actualisation, and even environment of residence. Agents typically like to go for a mate ABOVE their own level, and tend to be dismissive about the ones below them. Often agents (esp males) tend to be ambitio

(The views represented in the following post are personal, subjective and fluid. No offence is intended.) Note To Self: People can be very diverse. If anything, the observable extremes have been stretched wider in Canada. I guess it's important to pen down thoughts when they come, given my memory. Best to showcase significant experiences, or risk losing them. I've lived a long day today, and interacted with multiple diverse personalities. I am floored by how different people here in Toronto have been, both good and bad. On the one hand there are the extremely friendly, outgoing and helpful - typical of North America really as I'm finding (not just in the US). On the other hand, in a brief period I've come across people that have given me rather bitter experiences; people that have been closed minded, racist, condescending, rude, arrogant, and deliberately perverse. Not all the same person of course. I have also encountered not one but two elaborate scammers, and