Friday, 15 November 2013


Here I am, in my favourite cosy corner of the world. Costa coffee, all by myself, with a laptop and internet. It's the weekend. I owe nobody nothing, people around me are reasonably ok... and thus, life is pretty much ok. It's Christmas time again, and the magic is in the air. I wonder how the Westerners have managed to preserve the sacred festive spirit of Christmas through all these years.. through globalisation and capitalism, the location of Santa Claus has still remains the best kept secret in the world... impossible to decipher one would think, until about 10. The world more or less speaks the same language... and manages to communicate and share through linguistic and cultural barriers. Things just work. Life always moves forward, despite the odds and sometimes dire circumstances. In the end, what really matters? Smile, love, happiness, joy of living, living and sharing the moment. That's what they all say, that's what I feel too, after being through a fair bit. I love my extremes, my patterns, my coffee, my curiosity. This is what makes me who I am, for good or bad, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. There is an orchestra playing out in the open, at every moment, one just needs to tune into it. Let the rhythm engulf you. Feel the bliss of the moment. Enjoy the moment, for all it's flavour - enchanting and horrific. Feel true passion and pain, while always being a step away from stepping back and letting the moment soak in. I like to call it life sync, I used to call it ptsyncgruality.

Wednesday, 23 October 2013

Mindful Narcissism

I am Strong, powerful, confident, untouchable, invincible..

I punch my fist in the air of jubilation, victory, glory..

I am unbeatable. I am the best..

The fabric of the universe flows by me, easily..

I am supreme. The ultimate. The best EVER.

I have no enemies, I am too strong for them..

I am full of myself and I know it. But there isn't a thing anyone can do about it..

There will never be another man as talented, as skillful, as resourceful as I am..

I am in awe of my own capability.. And deliverance..

I am better than anyone can ever be..

I am the best there ever will be..

I smash records for fun..

There's just no stopping me.

I will be an example to everyone that ever tries..

I do what I want, when I want..

I cannot possibly do anything wrong..

Tomorrow I will try again.

Friday, 11 October 2013


Filling itself in a loop, I go and come inside and outside of myself
I am complete
I belong
I have home
I will always have home (I believe)
I don't need to fight anymore, or to prove
I am not ashamed, guilty, afraid
I am in harmony
I feel the fabric of the universe.... gliding through my fingers, gently flowing across my body, and sometimes hurriedly.
I feel rested and resting. Vitalised, full of energy but relaxed, that I could sleep
I would rather savour awakening than sleep
Right now life is worth living, experiencing, goals worth achieving. The reward feels real aand tangible.
I might be able to access alternate dimensions while being here.
Today I could even get enlightened.
Today anything is possible, and everything is ok
Today I feel royal love
Love is the elixir of life, the fountain of youth and vitality
Someone has finally open the door to my love
I can now love myself as much as I can love her
I can be free
In this moment, everything is ok
You have a right to be happy
Everything is so comfortable, effortless
Everything I do right now must be right
I can hardly fail
The pieces fit exactly. The contraption works.
It's a miracle but it's true. It's hard to be in disbelief for too long but it's just so good to be true.
I wonder if this might just end like another manic phase, but I daresay I believe this time it can last.
This one is for me. This is my time of glory, my 15 eons of fame. Everybody gets a chance to manifest the life of their dreams, and I have taken my chance with aplomb.
I am right, I am good, I am the best. Even if I'm not it's okay, because I know I will be backed all the way.
Nothing I do can ever be absolutely wrong again
I still want to win, but now I can't possibly lose

Sunday, 6 October 2013


It flows through you, inside and out... everything in between
it's warm, sometimes hot
it gushes, flows, churns
This warmth could melt anything in it's way
Oh this heat will burn my insides away
This must be love

No I haven't felt this before
I'm nervous but not scared
I'm anxious but not tense
I'm gasping but not breathless
I'm writhing but not hurt
This must be love

I feel purged, cleansed
redeemed, resurrected
fresh, rejuvinated
bright, incandescent
captivated, overwhelmed
This must be love

Logic doesn't make sense
But I don't care
I'm feel at home far away from home
Home now could be anywhere
There's no stopping us now
This must be love

I'm defenseless, I choose not to fight
I don't feel the need to hide
I'm not guilty, I'm not afraid
I'm ready for whatever lies ahead
This must be love

The fluid of life runs through my veins
A perfect synchrony in my heart and head
Yes this must be love, Ness... and it's for you
You make me want to be my best.

Friday, 27 September 2013

Swing When You're Winning

Listen man  you've got to swing when you're winning
When the moment feels right
You've got to capitalise
When you feel the fabric of the universe laid bare
You must identify it's every detail, learn every groove, feel the intricacy
When you feel the force of life gushing through your veins
You've got to let it run wild and guide you, become you, let loose
When you feel the animal unleash,
you must let it find it's prey.

It's ok to feel strong
It's ok to feel powerful
It's ok to feel invincible
It's ok to win
Man, when the moment comes, you must be willing to let it in.

You may stand tall enough
...and find the world crumbling below you
You may find the world bow at your feet
Don't fear, don't retaliate
Just feel your fear, your energy
Let your passions breathe.....

Swing when you're winning,
it's not going to happen all the time
cease the moment when it's yours
etch it into your memory, feed the ego
replenish your soul with the world's bounty
fill yourself up for the next drought
cause you wont be swingin forever
tomorrow will be tough.

(Title inspired by a Robbie Williams album)

Monday, 16 September 2013

Try Again

How many lessons must a man learn, before he can finally begin to live?
How could he have ever learnt enough?

How many mistakes must a man make before the lessons are embedded in his head?
How many scars can he possibly erase?

How many risks can a man avoid, before he makes the leap of faith?
Can there ever be a thing like too much caution?

How much certainty will guarantee that this next step will not be a mistake?
How can he be sure anyway?

How likely may a man predict the outcome of an arbitrarily probabilistic event to be favourable?
Whyever might he believe it could ever be in his favour?

How does man add up his karma points to know what he really deserves?
Can he be sure of karma at all?

How much can a man rely on his gut feeling if it promises to fulfil his dreams?
Why might he ever trust something that cant be defined?

How much suffering must a man go through before he can taste redemption?
Will his suffering ever end?

How many times must a man lose before he can emerge victorious amons a sea of corpses?
Will he still know what it's like to win?

How many betrayals must a man crash through before he can build an indestructible empire of faith?
And after all this will he still trust?

But trust he must and he will, in himself and the Other. Despite his mistakes and losses, through the suffering and betrayal, however uncertain his fate may appear, man must continue to trust his karma, take another risk, fight for his right to redemption, play to win, outlast his demons and emerge victorious amons a sea of corpses. To continue to live and love is man's duty and his reward.

"I have now understood that though it seems to men that they live by care for themselves, in truth it is love alone by which they live."
 - Leo Tolstoy (What men live by)