Cranberry Sauce

People achieve catharsis in different ways - exercise, sex, music, food, good sleep, friends, spending time with a loved one, alcohol, drugs. I do it through writing, or at least hope to. It's hard to put into words the intense (lack of) emotion I currently feel, but there has to be an outlet. Solace sounds like a distant and academically comforting term. So do friends, and lovers. There is nothing man can't do when he works to the best of his mental prowess, very little that he can without it's cooperation. Society rewards extroverts for their default behaviour. The world rewards and outward display of everything - emotions, words, opinions and actions. Even a temporary introvert must suffer the punishment of misjudgement, and decisions taken for him, on his behalf, without his permission. The world loves labels, although it's constituents hate being labelled themselves. Money matters, and so does drama. The best actor wins the prize for richest, most sought after, mo...

I try to make sense of it all, classify everyone I know into stereotypes. Well I guess everyone does. But it's funny how these stereotypes blend in, and it seems more like a spectrum than two extremes. Also, it's very queer and interesting how these perceptions of people I have change over time. I now understand that my mental picture of the world is not absolute. And while some have a more clear picture of what they see around them as others, ultimately they are all just perceptions. Life is dynamic. Nobody sucks forever, nobody is at the top forever. There is a constant ebb and flow, and one needs to be mindful about that. I now tend to recognise my own bursts of dopamine, some natural, some induced. But I try not to get too carried away by them, lest I turn into a candidate for a bipolar disorder. Things have been good, but of course they can be better. Then again, they have been worse, for me previously and for others now. It is always good to put things perspective and re...

And so I find myself at the crossroads again, much like where I usually find or put myself into being. I am walking on the line that separates the Self and the Other… of societal independence and societal acceptance. They’re both tempting roads to go down on, for different and in fact conflicting reasons. And I the observer must not take a stand, much as I would like to. I know where I belong and I have once relinquished it for what I need to be, or ought to be, or what a bunch of people believe is the right thing to do. That collective wisdom advises you to follow the cash, feed your greed, satisfy your lust… or rather attempt to do so, for all I know. The righteous path sits quiet and righteous, as it should… nibbling away on the conscience, biting off parts of the visible soul for any misdemeanour. So who am I then? What I want to be or what I ought to be? Answer’s clear in the head, but the head is not clear about who it serves. In the meantime, I present myself as the deserving p...

The fabric of the universe is robust, yet intricate and quite tenacious. I often wonder why people act the way they do, but I find this is more difficult to decipher than first appears. Events around a person shape a person, who subsequently incluences subsequent events around him. We are all entangled in a causal loop with no definite start or end point (at least thats what the observer inside the system is led to believe). A suboptimal control over situations poses the need for predictability, but the very nature of human behaviour and the unfolding of situations is dependent on each other. And this one is led to conclude that to deterministically figure out the outcome of one situation, one would have to track back to the origin of time and solve equations all along. This leads us (me, at least) to believe that if the 'nurture' argument along with 'determinism' is assumed, one would either find the solution to every situation that could ever unfold, or none. Engine...

Its vitally important to capture the moment when you can. I feel great right now, and know well I might not tomorrow. But its okay. I'm happy, I'm tranquil, and I can live a good chunk of my life right now. And hopefully, if I keep the momentum up, I'll be fine for a while. That's all that matters in life after all, living the moments and living up to them. During the off times, you build yourself up to life FOR the moments, in the past and the ones to come in the future. Life's not too big, a collection of a few moments is what define eras, some better and some longer than others. Its a constant fluctuation, momentary ups and downs that, averaged out make a zero sum game, or if you're lucky have an up slope. You are what you make out of yourself, and the situations around you. The best you can do is your best, and hope to have a good time along the way. Nothing else matters. People come and go, experiences happen, memories remain. There's not much more to ...

You are the highest of highs You are the reward of my toil You are the untouchable You are the insurmountable You are unprotected, and thus indestructible You are the epitome of the human spirit Yet you're only human That's what makes you supreme You are the promise land... the dream destination... You're always the goal, yet always unattained You're the light at the end of the tunnel Always in sight, but always far away If only I could have you... I would be redeemed of my sins I would be immortal I would be alive........ If only I could. You're the frail beauty that perishes when possessed But I would never know You're the angel's voice in despair that I have never heard You're my saviour, my guiding spirit The twilight of eternal youth The elixir of life So I'd like to believe You're the love of my life You're a figment of my imagination I'm trapped in...

I was about to write something stupid but thought against it. Metacognitive as I always am, I am aware now that my feelings might merely be a projection of a conscious reflection arising out of the superimposition of years of environmental conditioning, social structure and human evolution. In essence, I might just be constructing a reality that is made essentially out of nothing. But yet, these fictional realities sometimes overlap, sometimes coincide between two or more people, resulting in consensus. Consensus doesn’t necessitate correctness, it merely represents reinforcement arriving from mutual acceptance. The consented matter might be grounded in reality, or floating in delusion, yet for the consenting believers, that's all that matters. That is true, that is uncontested, that is given.  In a sense, by the very nature of human incompetence of arriving at an absolute, only the relative can be consented on. And so, every act of consented conviction must probably arise, to som...