Cranberry Sauce

People achieve catharsis in different ways - exercise, sex, music, food, good sleep, friends, spending time with a loved one, alcohol, drugs. I do it through writing, or at least hope to. It's hard to put into words the intense (lack of) emotion I currently feel, but there has to be an outlet. Solace sounds like a distant and academically comforting term. So do friends, and lovers. There is nothing man can't do when he works to the best of his mental prowess, very little that he can without it's cooperation. Society rewards extroverts for their default behaviour. The world rewards and outward display of everything - emotions, words, opinions and actions. Even a temporary introvert must suffer the punishment of misjudgement, and decisions taken for him, on his behalf, without his permission. The world loves labels, although it's constituents hate being labelled themselves. Money matters, and so does drama. The best actor wins the prize for richest, most sought after, mo

I try to make sense of it all, classify everyone I know into stereotypes. Well I guess everyone does. But it's funny how these stereotypes blend in, and it seems more like a spectrum than two extremes. Also, it's very queer and interesting how these perceptions of people I have change over time. I now understand that my mental picture of the world is not absolute. And while some have a more clear picture of what they see around them as others, ultimately they are all just perceptions. Life is dynamic. Nobody sucks forever, nobody is at the top forever. There is a constant ebb and flow, and one needs to be mindful about that. I now tend to recognise my own bursts of dopamine, some natural, some induced. But I try not to get too carried away by them, lest I turn into a candidate for a bipolar disorder. Things have been good, but of course they can be better. Then again, they have been worse, for me previously and for others now. It is always good to put things perspective and re

And so I find myself at the crossroads again, much like where I usually find or put myself into being. I am walking on the line that separates the Self and the Other… of societal independence and societal acceptance. They’re both tempting roads to go down on, for different and in fact conflicting reasons. And I the observer must not take a stand, much as I would like to. I know where I belong and I have once relinquished it for what I need to be, or ought to be, or what a bunch of people believe is the right thing to do. That collective wisdom advises you to follow the cash, feed your greed, satisfy your lust… or rather attempt to do so, for all I know. The righteous path sits quiet and righteous, as it should… nibbling away on the conscience, biting off parts of the visible soul for any misdemeanour. So who am I then? What I want to be or what I ought to be? Answer’s clear in the head, but the head is not clear about who it serves. In the meantime, I present myself as the deserving p